A $ $

I really want to use the A-word as I write this post, but I won't.  So, in your mind, whenever you see the word butt, replace it, and you will know my real feelings.

I have a silly habit.  I bite my kids.  Not hard, but that is one way I get my love out.  I have done it with every child from a very young age.  I can't control it.  I feel the love boiling up and if I don't squeeze or bite, it will explode.  My favorite victims are toes.  But I have been known to bite calf meat, ear lobes, fingers, elbows, etc.

The day I am writing about was no different than any other day.  The boys and I were in their room playing.  I got the urge to pretend Mads' leg was chicken.  So I started to "eat" it.  He laughs, of course.  Because I am pretty funny after all.  He will try to get away, but not very well.  When I have had enough chicken, I move on to sausages (toes).  I eat and eat and eat.  Yummy sausage!  Mads is having a good time.  When I have had enough sausage, I move on to something I have never tried before.  Ham!  It's genius.  Why have I never thought of this one before?  I flip him over and start gnawing on his butt.  Yummy ham!  He is loving it.  He thinks I'm hilarious.  All the while, G is looking more and more curious.  So once I have had enough ham, I move on to the baby of the family.  I got his sausages first, because they are irresistible.  He loves it too, but tries to get away.  As I am pulling G closer to get more food, I feel one of the worst pains I have ever felt in my life.  The victim became the attacker.  Mads decided to pretend my butt was ham.  He wasn't gentle.  Actually, he drew blood.  I was still in my pajamas so I didn't have the protection denim would have offered.  I was in tears.  Through my tears and pain filled voice, I explained that we don't bite hard, just soft for fun.  I think he got it.  If you ever want to get something through to your kids, tell them while you are in fits of hysterics.  It wasn't that bad.  I'm not that big of a wuss.  I just liked the way hysterics sounded. 

It was better soon.  I would have taken a picture of my wound, but I didn't want anyone getting too jealous of my spectacular butt.  I settled on a picture of Mads that looked like he was going to bite you at any second.  Look at those sharp teeth!  He is a vampire that seeks out butts.

Talk about something coming back to bite you in the butt!