Avant-Garde

Photo by Shelle

Last night I woke up crying because of a horrible dream.  One of my kids died.  I'm not going to go into details (it's not something I want to remember). I couldn't go back to sleep for quite a while, and as I laid there, I realized something.  All the kids were there, and they were all playing their roles.  The roles I have given them.  B.A. was over-emotional, and mostly concerned with herself.  Rhon was kind and dependable.  Dare was bouncy and disobedient.  Even though she looked at me while I told her the rules, she completely ignored them.  Mads was obstreperous and independent.  I realized that I have labeled my children.  In any given situation, I could tell you who would act what way.  Although I think it is good to know my children, I don't want to label them anymore, at least with the negative stuff.  There isn't really anything negative to say about Rhon.  See, there I go again.  She has the label of being the perfect child.  Not that that is bad, but I'm sure the other girls notice.  I've decided it is okay to notice behaviors that are common to their personality (B.A. is usually bossy), but I want to try not to assume she is that way all the time, and that it is something she can change, not just think oh that's the way she is.  

Dana and I were just talking yesterday about how we can appreciate our kids more.  I am aware now that my labels are not appreciative at all.  I feel terrible that I have suppressed them in a way.  I going to stop doing this right away.  Try at least.  It is my goal to see the behaviors separate from the child.  I love those little punks.  I hope they know it.